i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
