we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
