it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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