Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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