Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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