Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
