i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
