Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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