Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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