piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
