you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
