you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
