I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
