It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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