I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize