i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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