hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
whose parrot is this?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
