The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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