my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
