i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
