i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
