I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
