I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
