Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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