my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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