I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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