I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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