He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
