this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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