Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
