I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We smell like vodka and hangover
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