She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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