Operation Purity has been aborted
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Come on in and take your pants off
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
