I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
