all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
