i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
