Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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