I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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