you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
