I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
