The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
