if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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