So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
