She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
