His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
