i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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