The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
