"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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