When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's just like the Real World with babies
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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