The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
