My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
