Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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