It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Damn victory sex feels great
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
