Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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