I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm just crazy horny about you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
