that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
