I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
