We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
