the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
