I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
vagina is talking i cant
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
