Do you still have your period?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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