Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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