btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
