i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
