I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I look better un-naked...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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