Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If that was your dad, he is hot
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
