I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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