I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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