The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
