are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
